Welcome to the Land of the Misfit Toys
by Ordinary Insanity
Summary: "Are you sure you're not a girl? Maybe you're a manly girl." "Do I look like a manly girl?" "Sort of. I mean, I met a girl with a furry jacket like yours once, and the v-neck is pretty effeminate, you have to admit." Izaya x OC.


_"Men have called me mad, but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence – whether much that is glorious – whether all that is profound – does not spring from disease of thought – from moods of mind exalted at the expense of general intellect. Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." –Edgar Allen Poe_

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People always ask me what it's like to live in a mental hospital. Actually, since I do live in a mental hospital, the only people I see are other patients, so I don't get that question very often, but I imagine that I would if the circumstances were different. And as my answer, I'd have to say that it's like living in a toy box filled with broken toys. Most of us were normal and functional at one point in time, but eventually, we were played with just a little too much or too roughly, and one day, stopped working just right. And so, we were tossed aside, thrown into a different box and kept away from all of the other toys, where we all knew no one was going to play with us again. And sometimes, that was a very comforting thought. I mean, the fun in Toy Story never happened when Andy was around, did it?

But that makes it sound a lot more exciting that it really is. In reality, it's just like living anywhere else, only with less privileges and more eccentric people around. Looking around my room, it isn't much different than my previous one at home; various anime and Hello Kitty posters scattering my walls, Rilakkuma and Hello Kitty plushies as far as the eye can see, piles of manga on the floor, table and windowsill, and an unorganized dump of my clothing near the closet. The only difference was that this one entirely lacked my abundance of technology, and everything that wasn't mine was boring and colored white. When I had arrived, I felt like I'd landed in some hellish pit that Near had decorated himself. Fortunately, I'd managed to acquire a black, pink and white checkered comforter and matching pillowcase for my bed that at least brought some color into the room. My next goal was to convince the nurses to let me paint the walls, but that seemed less and less likely every day.

Anyway, my room isn't what anyone wants to hear about, so I might as well move on. I pulled myself up from my comfortable position on my bed with an apprehensive sigh; I didn't particularly want to go out into the main room with all of the other _lovely _patients, but I knew that the nurses would soon be knocking at my door to come get me anyway. They didn't like me to be out of their sight, as a general rule. At first, I hadn't been keen on complying with this rule, and had taken to locking myself in the bathroom just to piss them off. I quickly learned that the bathroom has flimsy locks just for this reason, and that ending up in the "time out" room was not worth breaking such a stupid rule. I shrugged off the unpleasant memory and grabbed a book, walked towards my door, and pushed it open while dreading what waited on the other side. It wasn't that our unit was a bad place to be, but simply that the other patients could be tiring, to say the least.

The door shut behind me and drew several peoples' attention to me with its metallic click, including one of the day nurses sitting at the counter who waved and shot me a brief and, most likely, fake smile. I returned both the wave and smile, ignoring the other glances as I moved quickly to my chair in the living room. I sat down with my legs crossed Indian-style, book now open in my hands, and hoped that I would not be bothered.

This particular unit of the hospital was home to both short-term residents and long-term residents. Normally, someone like me who had been there for several years would be moved to an actual mental hospital rather than a mere psychiatric unit of a regular hospital, but there was no such thing in Ikebukuro and no one was willing to pay to have me moved. Besides, the nurses liked me here. Some of them. Anyway, more to the point, since there are only actually ten beds in this unit, it was fairly small. A couple nurses regularly sat behind the counter at the front of the main room, and there was a large open area in front of that, containing 14 chairs arranged in a "V" formation in front of a large television in a cabinet that was usually closed and locked, and a small white board used for group sessions during the day. Behind the TV cabinet was an area about half the size of our living room that had been made into a kitchen, with a large table with 15 chairs that we sat at for meals. On the other side was a large open space that held a table, chairs, and a bookshelf, as well as the doors to the four crisis bedrooms. Other than these rooms, there were only a couple that were made available to every patient. There was a small room with a couple chairs and a couch that patients used to visit with their family, a larger room that we often used for a multitude of things (family visits, playing games, doing group, etc.), and a school room that the longer-term patients used during the week. On the wall by the TV were the doors to several psychiatrists' offices as well as the "time out" room, which no one wanted anything to do with. On the other side, nearer to the area by the crisis bedrooms, were the elective bedrooms; these rooms had two beds instead of just one, and there were three of them.

Elaborating on that, crisis and elective are the two types of patients here, besides long-term and short-term. Elective patients chose to be here to get help, and crisis patients were here because of some sort of event, usually attempted suicide or something similar, that meant they were unstable and needed to be here to be stabilized. I had come here as crisis, and I guess they just decided that I was never stabilized. My room was still one of the crisis rooms, since it had been two years and they still didn't trust me not to hurt a roommate should I have one.

As I flipped the page to my book, I didn't have to look up to know who the two people were that had just sat down on the chairs on either side of me. They were the only two patients stupid enough to continue to annoy me after I'd already broken one of their fingers. I sighed, closing my book; I knew that there was no chance of me getting any reading done with them around. I set it down on my lap and looked up, turning to face them with a look of pure apathy adorning my face.

"Inner ninja!" Hiroshi shouted, throwing his fist in the air. I knew this was coming.

"Inner ninja!" Ayaka exclaimed, doing a similar motion. The two of them looked at me expectantly, as they did countless times a day, wordlessly begging me to finish their ritual.

"Inner ninja," I replied with a sigh, not sounding nearly as enthusiastic as the two before me. Ayaka was 11 years old, Hiroshi was 13, and they were both short-term patients who had both arrived around two weeks ago. Around that time, they formed some sort of cult where they shouted "Inner ninja!" thousands of times a day and drew "ninja symbols" on their forearms. When they invited me to join, they somehow took my silent glare as an acceptance, and now expected me to participate in their rituals. They also tended to cling to my side 24/7.

They both grinned at me before talking amongst themselves, myself in the middle. I sighed, as I seemed to be doing more and more often, wondering how I got stuck with these two. I glanced over at Ayaka, who took this as me challenging her to a staring contest, and stared intently back at me. This wasn't my intention, but I wasn't one to back down from a challenge; I stared back with intensity, until she finally blinked and I grinned. I had taken a liking to her, mainly because she amused me; she seemed to think we had some sort of bond ever since she saw my scars and showed me hers. Hiroshi, on the other hand, was a completely different story. At first, he had been okay; very talkative and seemed to be interesting. However, the next day, I realized that he had decided to follow me around and never leave me alone, no matter what. He had good intentions, but just happened to act on them in the most obnoxious way possible. From what I understood, he "like liked" me, as Ayaka had said, which made me laugh for a good ten minutes, considering our five-year age difference. This meant that he pretended to like everything I liked; if I made a comment about being violent or part of a gang, he would go on and talk about all of the gangs he was in and how he beat the shit out of people with a crowbar all the time. He once told me that when the cops came to take him away, he took off his sunglasses and said "Not today," and then proceeded to drive away uninterrupted on his motorcycle. May I repeat that he is a 13-year-old boy. I think he honestly thinks that people believe his stories, which makes them all the funnier.

I re-opened my book, deciding that while the two of them talked, I probably had a couple minutes of quiet reading that I might as well take advantage of. Their endless chatter grew quieter and quieter as I became more involved in the novel, and I noted with satisfaction that I'd finished an entire chapter without interruption. Of course, such a blessing could never last, and a loud, familiar voice entered the room. I looked up, only to see Kenji leaving the school room and walking over to the nurse's counter with his nurse beside him.

"Yeah, I understand that! But I've been on it before, and I know what this medication does to me. It's not good! Not good at all! I know it works, it works on everyone else, I know it does, but it doesn't work on me," he started, enthusiastically waving his hands as he spoke. No one knew much about Kenji, besides that he had been transferred here from jail for unknown reasons, and that he seemed entirely incapable of ever shutting up. Not to mention that he was more than a little deluded.

"Yes, but our bodies change, Kenji. How it affected you then might not be how it aff— " his nurse began to retort, before he cut her off again.

"Yeah, I understand, but it's not going to change for _me. _It can change for everyone else, but not me!"

"Kenji, please calm down and stop arguing—"

"I'M NOT ARGUING!" he shouted, "I'm just calmly explaining to you how you don't know what you're talking about!"

"Okay, well, you need to take your medication. If you don't want to, then it's something you need to talk about with Dr. Sato."

"Yeah, I understand, but he's not back until Monday, and I need to talk to him now. Can we call him? Let's call him!"

"Kenji, he's not working right now and he doesn't have time to talk to you. You'll have to wait until Monday. I need you to take your medication; if it doesn't work or you don't like its effects, then that's something we'll assess and take into consideration."

"Yeah, you're right, but there's just this one little problem; it's not going to work!"

I sighed and shook my head, knowing how this would play out. Kenji found a new problem that he just had to explain to the nurses every day. Yesterday it was that he thought the psychiatrist sounded too much like Morgan Freeman that it made him uncomfortable. The day before that, it was that he wasn't allowed to rap about everything he did 24/7. Today, he had decided that the medication the doctor had prescribed to him was not going to work, so he wouldn't take it. And as always, no matter how much they argued with him, it would all end in "But there's just one little problem", and then the argument would start all over again. Most of us had learned to drown him out, but we all pitied the nurses who had to complete this vicious cycle with him countless times a day. Everyone hoped his medication would start working and he'd calm down, but that seemed unlikely.

I dog-eared the page I was on in my book, setting it down in my lap again as I turned my head and looked around the room. Ayaka and Hiroshi were listening intently to Kenji's antics and giggling to themselves, earning them glares from the tired nurse who he was arguing with. Souta sat a couple chairs down from us, and was drawing in his sketchbook, and smiled at me when he noticed that I was looking at him. On the floor in front of the TV sat Jun, playing with a box of Lego, obviously taking a break from his "Physics for Dummies" book, which sat a couple feet to his left. Behind us, Minami sat at the table by the crisis rooms, reading her book and avoiding my gaze, as per usual. At the dinner table sat Daichi, silently working on the world map puzzle that had been started sometime during the day. Beside him was Aoi, leaning on the table with her head in her hands, moping like always. And as I recalled, Arai was in the visiting room with his family. I decided I might as well go help work on the puzzle, and stood up to go join Daichi.

"No, I want to talk to you more! Don't go. Please?" Hiroshi pleaded, trying his best to do puppy dog eyes and succeeding only to look like a constipated walrus. I rolled my eyes.

"We can talk later, but the puzzle seems a lot more enticing than listening to Kenji rant right now." I ignored the two of them as they jutted out their bottom lips and pouted, and walked over to the table. I greeted Aoi and Daichi, which was only returned by the latter, pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. As I glanced over the scattered pieces and tried to find a correct combination, the sound of the unit's version of a doorbell distracted me. I heard the nurse pick up the phone and ask over the outside intercom who was there, and looked back at her just in time to see a shocked expression take over her face. She then nodded and told the mystery person to come in, before turning to look at me.

"Maiko, your brother is here to visit. Since the family room is taken, you two are welcome to go to the gardens downstairs, so long as you don't leave the hospital. Be sure to be back in half an hour to check in," she explained with a smile, though I could tell she was still shocked that I had a visitor. See, when my parents dropped me off here, they hadn't ever intended to speak to me again. And since family members were the only people allowed to visit, that meant that I almost never had anyone come to see me, except my sister when she could sneak out without our parents knowing.

I stared at her, not sure how to react. My brother would not be coming to visit me, that I knew for sure. Not after what I did to him. My parents would never let me near him anyway, and he certainly wouldn't disagree with them. So, who was this person claiming to be him? Of course, considering my general lack of contact with anyone outside the hospital, I was too curious to pass up the opportunity to meet him. "Thank you, I'll do that." I pushed my chair back and stood up, walking over to the exit of the unit where a man with raven black hair and a fur-lined jacket stood. I eyed him cautiously, and he simply smirked at me. When I heard a brief buzzing noise, I knew that the nurses had temporarily unlocked the doors to let us out, and pushed one open, holding it for him as he walked through. When it clicked shut behind us, we walked down the hallway of the hospital, heading towards the stairs.

"Who are you?" I asked calmly, curiosity glinting in my eyes. For once in a long time, I was interested and a bit excited. I never got to see people anymore that weren't patients or nurses.

"You don't know? I did tell you I was coming to see you, after all. Ah, but I suppose I'm not quite who you were expecting," he replied, his smirk returning to his face.

I stared at him blankly. He told me that? I think I'd remember something like that. "If you think I'm going to figure out your identity from that ominous comment, I think you overestimate my mental capabilities."

He just chuckled, putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "I'll give you a hint; you know me quite a bit better by the name 'Kanra'."

I stopped in my tracks, staring at him. Kanra had been my closest online friend for quite a while before I landed myself here, and I'd been able to tell her that I was going to be in the hospital before I went in. She had been sending me letters weekly ever since under the guise of being my sister, and was probably among the closest of my friends and the only one I still had contact with. Since I only knew her through online chatting and had never seen her, her only distinguishing feature when it came to looks was that she was _female_, and therefore certainly not this man in front of me_. _"Kanra is a girl."

"It's quite simple to change one's gender online, Maiko-chan~," he answered smugly, turning to start walking again and gesturing for me to do the same.

I blinked, taking a second to register what he had said, before following him to the end of the hallway and down the stairs. "Are you sure you're not a girl? Maybe you're a manly girl."

He raised an eyebrow, turning to look at me again. "Do I look like a manly girl?" he asked, as if challenging me to say yes.

"Sort of. I mean, I met a girl with a furry jacket like yours once, and the v-neck is pretty effeminate, you have to admit," I replied without hesitation, expression still blank.

"…" He was silent, as if deciding how to respond. I made up his mind for him as I continued.

"Maybe you're hiding boobs under there," I started, patting his chest to make sure. "Wow, I guess you're either actually a guy or a _really _flat-chested girl."

He looked at me with an expression that told me he was trying to decide whether to be amused or irritated. Seeming to go with the former, he smirked at me patronizingly. "Excellent observation, Maiko-chan; I am, indeed, a man."

"What a plot twist," I said, shaking my head in disbelief as we reached the bottom of the stairs and walked down the hallway towards the indoor gardens. "Why'd you lie about that?"

"I lie about many things, my gender should be the least concerning to you," he said to me, still smirking in amusement as we walked.

"Is it because you're confused about your gender identity? I bet that's it. I understand how you feel; I've done some experimenting in that area myself."

He just stared at me, before chuckling to himself. "If you must know, it's because girls are more inclined to trust others of their same gender."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense," I answered, nodding. He walked ahead of me as we turned into the entrance of the gardens, and pushed the door open, holding it for me as I walked through. Once inside, I couldn't help but smile; since I never had visitors, I never got to go down here. It was a beautiful area; there were windows all along the walls that opened to patients' rooms, and windows all along the roof that opened to the sky. There were zig-zagging benches all along the sides of the room, and behind them were huge flowerbeds filled with real flowers and fake ones alike. There were trees growing in grated circles in the ground, with colored lights hanging on every branch and large lamp posts on either side of the path through the middle. I sat down on one of the benches, and mystery man sat down to my left.

"So, what's your real name, then, if it isn't Kanra?" I asked, curious about him. He was still my friend, after all, and friends knew each other's names.

"Izaya Orihara. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person," he replied, smirking once more.

I blinked. I knew that name. Everyone in Ikebukuro knew that name. I'd never met him before, but I, like almost every resident of the district, knew of him, his work, and his legendary fights with Shizuo Heiwajima. "What's an information broker like you doing pretending to be a girl to talk to someone like me?"

"Someone like you?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I mean, you probably have a reason for talking to me, but I don't have any information that you could want. I've been locked up here for years."

"Am I not allowed to want to be your friend, Maiko-chan~?" he asked, still smirking.

"Sure you are, I just don't think that that's why you talk to me," I replied, locking eyes with him.

"Hm… How perceptive of you~," he started, and I waited for him to explain. "In that case, what do you know about the Dollars?"

I stared at him, suddenly understanding why he had taken an interest in me. I thought that my online history was private, but it didn't surprise me that he would have found out. A couple years ago, some friends of mine and I had started the Dollars as a joke. It had gone well at first, until the group's numbers started rising impossibly fast, and people started to hear about us. Some of us, its original leaders, started to panic and leave. I, on the other hand, was excited to see how things were turning out, and wouldn't dream of leaving. A middle school student who went by the name Taro Tanaka and I were amongst the last few. And then one day, my mother walked in while I was browsing the Dollars home site, and was the furthest thing from happy. In her mind, her daughter being part of a gang, even a colorless one with good intentions, was going to ruin our family's image. I tried to convince her that no one would even find out, but it was no use; she gave me the choice of moving out or leaving the Dollars. Considering I was only 15 and jobless, moving out didn't seem so appealing. So I logged out one last time, and had nothing further to do with the Dollars ever since.

"I'm assuming you already know what I know about the Dollars. You should also know that I have nothing to do with them anymore."

"You asked why I talked to you, and that was why I started talking to you. It didn't take me long to realize that you didn't know as much as I hoped you would."

"Then why did you keep talking to me?" I asked, not understanding.

"Because I find you particularly interesting, Maiko-chan. Humans are an endlessly intriguing race, and you're no different."

I wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. I'm interesting, but I'm the same as everyone else. "Gee, thanks." Regardless, I felt like he had some other motive that he wasn't telling me, and I wondered what it was. Before I even had a chance to ponder it, the beep of a cell phone caught the attention of both myself and the informant beside me. He reached into his pocket and brought out the source of the sound, glancing down at whatever had caused the alert. It must've been interesting, because that smirk came back to his face again.

"It seems I have business elsewhere. I should be on my way, then~," he explained, standing up. I stood up after him, slightly irritated that our meeting was being cut short. Meeting one of your closest friends and finding out that she is not only a he, but a dangerous informant who's been lying to you all along, is a lot to take in, and I had hoped to have more time to at least talk to him about it.

"Will I be seeing you again?" I asked, trying not to let my hopefulness show. Just because he wasn't who I thought he was didn't make him any less my friend in my eyes. Not only that, but meeting someone from outside the unit was still an exciting prospect to me.

"Would you like to see me again?" he asked, still smirking as if he already knew the answer.

"Of course," I replied automatically, and his smirk widened.

"You might regret that answer, Maiko-chan~," he started, turning and walking out of the gardens. "Don't say I didn't warn you~."

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_"Nearly everything that was fun, of course, was also a little dangerous; riding roller coasters, skydiving, gambling, sex." – Dean Koontz, Dark Rivers of the Heart_

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**Author's Note: Well, I've wanted to write this fanfiction for quite a while. I have so many ideas as to where I'm going with it, and I'm really excited to write it. All the chapters might not be as long as this one, since this one was also very explanatory of the unit Maiko's in and not so much about her and Izaya. Sorry about that, but the story isn't going to be just about those two. It's also going to include some about the other patients in the hospital. I also think it might be fun to start accepting OCs as new hospital patients; I don't know how many of these I'll do, but PM me if you're interested in your OC entering Maiko's psychiatric unit and I'll do my best to make it work. After this author's note, I'll explain a little bit about each patient, just in case anyone's interested. Please review if you enjoyed this; it'll probably make me update faster, haha.**

**Maiko Kaneko – Eighteen year old female. One of Mikado's online friends who started the Dollars with him and disappeared when the going got tough, leaving him as the only leader. Has panic attacks and hallucinations that cause her to be unaware of her actions temporarily and attack those around her. Often experiences intense homicidal and suicidal urges. Demonstrates certain symptoms of antisocial personality disorder as well, making the doctors and nurses believe that she's too dangerous and unstable to be let out of the hospital.**

**Hiroshi – Thirteen year old male. Was admitted to the hospital because of anger management issues and intense suicidal thoughts. Is a crisis, short-term patient. Roommates with Jun.**

**Ayaka – Eleven year old female. Was admitted to the hospital because of an eating disorder and self-harm. Is a crisis, short-term (but possibly soon to be long-term) patient.**

**Kenji – Seventeen year old male. Was transferred to the hospital from jail (which he was in due to being caught with drugs) due to the concerns from his psychiatrist. Was admitted to the hospital because of severe ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, and drug addiction. Is a crisis, long-term patient. Roommates with Souta.**

**Daichi – Sixteen year old male. Was admitted to the hospital for a suicide attempt. Is autistic. Has random, violent outbursts. Is a crisis, long-term patient. **

**Minami – Fifteen year old female. Was admitted to the hospital for severe social anxiety; is almost entirely unable to speak to others. Is an elective, long-term patient. Roommates with Aoi.**

**Aoi – Thirteen year old female. Was admitted to the hospital for severe self-harm and alcohol abuse. Has severe depression, hates being in the hospital, and refuses to talk to almost anyone. Is a crisis, short-term patient. Roommates with Minami.**

**Souta – Seventeen year old male. Was admitted to the hospital for a suicide attempt. Despite having depression, he seems friendly and cheerful at all times. Is a crisis, short-term patient. Roommates with Kenji.**

**Jun – Twelve year old male. Was admitted to the hospital for anxiety disorder and depression. Is a child genius. Is an elective, short-term patient. Roommates with Hiroshi. **

**Arai – Nine year old male. Was admitted to the hospital for anger management issues. Is a crisis, short-term patient. **


End file.
